This love is so dysfunctional, it leaves me so emotional.

7:13 AM

Hey people, I know I was away from quite a while, I was working and camping. Will tell you guys about this next time but right now I wanted to blog about feelings.

Feelings are strong, they represent us and there are no words to sum it up or to explain it. Feelings make us happy, sad, worried and depressed.

Recently I have a mini depression which hopefully the camp had helped me get through it. It was been days since I slept; I don't know how I survived.

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, it's true but it's the process that you've to endure and it fucking hurts.

Sometimes I really hate myself because I'm always breaking all the promises I made to myself. I hardly break promises with friends but when it comes to me, I would always break them all. It's kinda funny isn't it?

As I said, I was exposed to a lot of feelings this month, more than usual.. maybe 'cause I'm a Pisces and Pisces mood swing like hell and this is the Pisces month? I don't know but it's really very depressing.

Especially to those with I spent most my time with this month, I am sorry I gave you guys black face all the time... most of the time. 'Cause I just can't help it.

But seriously, they said people with blood type A loves to solve situations with crying, with their tears while blood type B (me, duh~) loves to remain silent. I find it kinda true. Whenever I have problems, be it fights with others, or bad mood swing, I could just shut myself up and stay in one corner and emo. Or I prefer, zoned out

I'm so so so so so fucking sorry to people I threw black face at.

Although as true as above stated, whenever I'm feeling low or what, I could give the 'silent treatment', most people really should just leave me alone. I could emo awhile and wait for my mood to come back and I'll alright, really!

My mum is those few that seriously don't like leaving people alone. Be it me or my sister, whenever we faced problems and we cried, we were like 'leave me alone' and she just won't do it. She'll keep talk to us and ask what is wrong etc. It is really nice, but really, I am not someone who can just talk about it and like 'oh it's alright, I'm fine now.' No, I'm not and talking just makes me sick.

Leave me alone doesn't mean I could kill myself or something, there's a possibility but staying near me doesn't help at all, it would worsen the situation, I would start yelling and scolding vulgar, although normally I would still say vulgar... o.o

BUT BUT BUT!!!

When I said "Leave me alone", it doesn't really apply to all people. I don't know, but there may have someone who could cheer me up instantly with a smile or a joke?

I'm a person who doesn't like to talk things out when I'm in a fucking bad mood swing, or what you called, depressed. Unless I'm angry, I would rant at Twitter, here and everybody I see. But depress, on another hand, is a whole different issue.

What I need is someone to NOT ask me what's wrong and CHEER me up with any means. Need not be people with awesome consoling skills because I don't want to be consoled. I want to be cheered up.

I'll end off with photos I recently found online which I feel it's true or applies to me.

(Credits to WeHeartIt)




Photobucket


Photobucket




& sometimes, I really need an off button for my feelings.

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