one more fucking love song, i'll be sick

10:02 AM

Hello fellas! I'm back on track! I pick blogging back again after I kept leaving it and went MIA, especially two years ago. But since I'm back, let me prolong this journey and hope I can write more since I know you would be reading! ^^

Since school started, my life become dull and boring. Sometimes hectic but most of the time, blur. Still cannot keep up with the class with all the workload etc but I am trying! I'm trying to stay awake in lecture when they're so fucking boring please. I swear marketing lecturer makes a perfect rapper. Just last week, he was rapping nonstop on the previous lecture slides and left 15mins for that day's lecture. Marketing was said to be interesting but somehow I prefer my law lectures better.

Alright, enough of my boring school life. I need to get a job too! Number 1 top survival tactic in this cold cruel society: Get a fucking job! I'm still looking for people to work with me, but it's kinda fucked up because friends can be so indecisive and dragging you down. & as for few of mine, (since I don't have much friends in real life 'cause I'm YOLO *you only live online* person) they just don't want to work, because they get pocket money from their parents! Lucky sons and bitches.

Besides this, I wasn't in a frigging good mood lately.. and lately, I mean last 2 weeks of April till this whole month of May... which adds up 'round 4 weeks long. How can someone be unhappy, upset and depressed for such a long time? I guess I made quite a good... emo person? Whatever you wanna called it.

Not saying I'm back on tracks to be I'm happy now but at least I'm trying to get over this terrible mood.

I read this somewhere, it says:

"Moving on doesn't mean forgetting. It just means that you rather choose to be happy instead of hurt."

Half true, I guess. It's true that it's not forgetting but it doesn't mean choosing to be happy. You don't have a choice.. wait, maybe I'm just someone not in good control of my mood and emotions. I let them all out at once and it's not such a good thing actually.

If you watches The Vampire Diaries, I'm somehow behaving like Damon.. Or off-the-cliff Stefan? "Switch it off, switch your feelings off!" - Klaus

Hahaha! I rather Klaus said that to me. I'm just like Damon, when he is normal, he gets hurt but he behaves like it doesn't matter but once he drinks, he went out of control and starts killing people. I mean, I don't kill people, thank god, but it's somehow same?


I lied to myself that I'm fine, I'm alright because I know if I bother my friends again 'bout my personal life, they would glare at me and they're all hands full on their own life. Just means my life sucks, doesn't gimme the rights to mess with their lives too right?

"If you're unsure of your feelings, don't mess up other's feelings too."

That's something I learnt recently too. Thus, people should stop messing with mine too because I'm someone that usually doesn't use much of my own feelings, but when I use them, I make sure I would make FULL USE of my emotions, which is not really a good sign, if you were unsure of yours, you would only make me confuse and mess my feelings and head all up.

So, back to Damon. He's someone who tells himself he is alright, when in fact he is dead not. When he's on his right mind, he keeps his head clear although I bet he can't stop thinking. Don't wanna see him drunk, because he will literally snap your neck.

Oh yes, my terrible mood... I realized I hate when people give me advice because I only listen to 5% but I'm more of those type of person- you just sit the hell up and shut the fuck up and listen to this motherfucking lady over here rant and agrees with whatever shit I said. Hmm, yes I'm this type of person. Demanding yes, but whatever.

I'm gonna put myself back on track and learn not to trust people anymore that much.

& from recent events, I've learnt, too, that when you think life gives you choice, you're dead wrong, you don't have a fucking choice in the fucking first place because when you wanna make the decision, you'll then realized that the decision has been made, not by you, by others. Or god, or whosoever you wanna blame at.



I'm a demanding and stubborn person, hence I will still standby my own opinion. & that is, if someone feels you're so totally worth it, precious, dearly and important to them, they would do whatsoever to win/get you back, no matter how long, how much energy spend, how much cash(if there's a need), how dangerous the journey and even how heartbreaking the impact would be to you. If they think you're worthy to be in your life, they would, of course, by all means do that- to keep you in their life.

I realized I've always been trying to keep up in life and trying my best to stay in people's lives. Maybe that's why people don't even try to keep me in their lives anymore because they just fucking take me for granted or feels that I am and I will always be there. Fuck this shit, no way. I'm gonna live my life and I would, of course, try to stay in your life but if you don't fucking make an effort to stay in my life, know about me or my life, then fuck this shit, I am not gonna care anymore.



& as said, you fucking better make an effort to stay in my life if you think I'm worth it, if not then forget it, because for damn weeks I've been trying to do that but you simply doesn't give a shit so, whatever excuses people wanna give, if you don't want to be in my life, just say. Don't go bullshit cock up lies to me.

Gosh, why is that above paragraph so personalized? *poker face.jpeg*

I rather be told directly in the face than being lied to. I'm a person that's rather you just screams all hateful words at me, hurt me, break me and tear me down than lying to me, or doing things behind my back.

Oh yeah, my sister said few wise words to me, or most of the time, she's just trying to suan me uh.

She said,

"Move on is for lazy people." 
I'm just assuming she is saying people are too lazy to settle the existing problem, thus they simply throw there and move on. Hahaha, fine.

She was making fun of me being all grumpy and upset all the time.

"You're so negative, you're so numb that you won't get hurt anymore." 

I guess she meant it in like since I'm always thinking so negatively, no harsh words can hurt me since I'm already so hurtful? Nice try, sis.

"Not thinking of the problem doesn't make it go away. The problem still exist." 

Yes, that was what I thought, but somethings cannot be solved. But my sister disagrees. She said I lack of communication skills, talk things out would be better. I was like, bitch please- communication is not a one-way track.

Alright, why is this blog post so wordy and full of quotes? *throws photo randomly!*

0b6457fe982311e1be6a12313820455d_7 - Copy

Wow, I didn't know it would be such a wordy post but if you read it, I bravo you! Allow me to let you rest your eyes already. So, see you next time! ;)

Oh yeah, another quote before I end it all off.

"We all make mistakes. Don't let the mistakes be the reason you give up on somebody."

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