8 kinds of 'friends' who are ruining your life

8:18 AM

Hey everyone, I'm back again. Today's topic is about 'Friends'. 

Friends at our age experience similar things and we are able to relate to one another. Friends are those we hold near to us, because they understand us, sometimes even better than our parents. You tell deepest secrets and share your thoughts with them more than to your parents. Secrets are what keep friends together. 

However, today I'm going to write about the kinds of friends we should all avoid. These 'friends' are poisonous and they will bring you down in life, and they will not even feel any guilt about it. If you don't have friends like these, that's great! Or maybe you're that shitty friend reading this, and I hope you can stop being such a bitch to your friend. *laughs* 

Everyone can relate to this, because we all have had friends we don’t want - shitty friends. I'm sure everyone has met at least one shitty friend in their lives. My first encounter with shitty friends was in primary school, though it was those typical backstabbing and gossiping behind your back. 

1. “Friends” who are there when the sun shines, but never when it rains 

We all have that friend who always shows up at all your events and parties, don't we? It's amazing how that person would show up at your greatest hour and disappear the next moment when you fall into deep shit. 

I know people would mostly run when they see a friend in financial crisis; only close friends would stay and aid you (financially or not, doesn't matter). But then again, doesn't mean if your friend has financial problems you have to run away. Stay and console your friend, give him/her moral support, or give him/her some financial advice. 

Darkest hours don’t only consist of financial crises. There are many other issues such as family problems, BGR related, bullied in school, stress at work etc. that we may need the support of friends in, and this kind of friend that disappears when you're facing problems are not fit to be your friend. They don't deserve this friendship; well, unless you also are the kind that disappears when your friends are facing shit. Then you two ought to be best friends!



2. The slutty or bastard friend 

Well, if you have a friend that always comes between you and your partner, something is downright fishy. A good friend will never make you argue with your partner. Slutty, I mean like trying to hook up with your partner when you're not looking or hugging your partner, and all that slutty affairs. Bastard, I mean trying to get your partner to break up with you so he/she can be with your partner. 

You'll be surprised how many of your so called 'friends' actually break the 'Bro Code'. I lived by this code to NEVER get into my friends' relationship. Thank god my friends and I look for different things in a guy. (Phew!) I've heard cases where one guy broke up with his girl and not long after, the girl ended up with his friend. I mean, even if they have broken up, it's not right to touch your bro's ex. (Exemption clause: Unless she's super hot and/or your bro is alright with it) 

Though I must say if your partner ever cheats on you with your best friend - dump him/her and find a better one. And to that friend of yours, continue to let him/her take your used goods then. The right one for you will never cheat on you with your best friend.



3. Friends that leave you alone while you're drunk/ Throws you to guys or strangers 

I really, really, really despise and loathe 'friends' like these. Friends are supposed to help you when in need (Pointer 1), with the minimum of taking care you when you're weak (drunk or other cases). If they are unable to do that, then they can jolly well fuck off. Nobody wants to be left alone at their weakness moment and let left to other people to be taken advantage of. 

Personally, my morals are clear- if I meet such people, they will no longer be my friends. I would still talk to them because Singapore is a fucking small island with 5.3 million people, the chances of you seeing them is high, but I will never regard these people as my friends ever again. (Definitely not go drinking with them again.) Young people always hang out at young people places anyway. 

There is no other advice for this, if you know people who leave you to die when you're drunk (or at other situation when you need them for help), then fucking kick them off your friends list. Immediately. These people deserve neither my respect, nor yours. If people can’t look after their friends, how can they look after anyone else? Do they even have morals? (Especially those who let their friend get taken away by guys and do nothing about it) When I see guys pulling a girl away in club, I will confront them and help her. And those drunken girls I see in the club's toilet, I will talk to them and ask if they are alright. They are no friends of mine, yet a concern for people when they are down is a moral obligation.


4. Friends who use 'your name' to gain benefits 

How do I go about explaining this? Well, this is caters mostly to people who are more popz and/or well connected. You see, if you are very well-liked by others, people tend to want to be your friends. But some of these friends just want to use your good reputation. 

Example 1: Imagine you're Tosh, and your friends go around telling other people, "Hey, I'm hanging out with Tosh Zhang, that movie star and YouTube star, cool right?" That's using your name to gain social status, to make people think you're cool 'cause you're hanging out with cool people. 

Example 2: Imagine you're an FHM model and you have connections in the modeling industry. One of your friends starts to talk to all the freelance photographers to ask asking for a paid shoot using your name. "My friend is XXX, she's the winner for XXX contest (and more bragging about you), so arrange a shoot for me? Oh if she is free, I might ask her to come along." 

Well, doesn't mean you are not a model or famous celebrity that people couldn't use your name to gain benefits. Maybe you're popular in your school, or at work; the same thing applies.


5. Friends that say 'meet up soon' but never meet up with you 

I mean what's the point of saying they miss you, but they do no shit about it. If you realized that you're always the one who calls them out, not them- that means they don't even bother at all. I don't mean meet up every day, but if you haven't seen them for months or a year or two, then wtf man?! And they will always tweet you and/or text you saying they miss you and meet up soon BUT NEVER. 

It takes effort to plan a meeting and if they truly care for you, they will initiate a meet up. 

6. Friends that leave all the planning for you to handle, ALL THE TIME 

Friends who asked you out and leave all the planning to you- C'mon, are you that busy or do you think I don't have a life of my own? Contribute your fair share to this friendship of ours. 

One golden example: Hitting the clubs. Time and venue you’ve settled, drinks and guest lists you settled, and calling out other friends (girls especially, so to hit the ratio for guest list) you have settled. What do they do? NOTHING. 

Though I enjoy planning events like birthdays, I get sick and tired when everyone just throws all responsibilities to me, and if anything goes wrong they start pointing fingers at me. Thank god my closet friends are not like this! 

7. Friends who lie about their life story to you 

So if you have a 'friend' who brags he/she is studying in a law school, is a member of a prestigious club, has stage 3 cancer, and/or no money to eat... Wtf man. How is that even possible? It's like a Korean drama.

Another example could also be lying to gain sympathy from friends; by saying one had no money to eat, so the friends gave sympathy money/meals. (In fact he/she does have enough money to get by)

Okay, let's see... I used to have a classmate that lied and told us that she has Leukemia, but she seemed healthy as fuck. Oh, and she is still alive- if you're wondering. 

A friend told me that she used to date a guy that bragged about his family wealth and that his family owned 2 prestigious cars. I guess he was trying to make her think he was cool, but after she found out, she was so fed up with him. I mean, who wouldn't?

#facepalm

8. Friends that lower your self-esteem to boost their self-esteem. 

This is mostly faced by the ladies. When you have a friend who has low self-esteem, and you asked her how was your dress, she may reply saying you look ugly in that hideous dress, but in fact you look lovely. She just wants to make you feel like crap so she can build her happiness (self-esteem) on your misery. Get that woman off your friends list! 

My best friend told me of one incident whereby she was friends with this very pretty Korean babe. When they decided to hit the clubs, that babe insisted that my friend was wearing something that 'wasn't suitable for her', but the rest of us knew she just didn't want my best friend to outshine her in club. People can ask you for advice or fashion tips, but by saying it looked ugly on the person or deemed it unsuitable, at least explain why! If your reason seems legit, people would actually listen. But we can actually tell who is being honest and helpful, and who is being an asshole who wants an ego boost by insulting us.

I've known this particular boy (hint: 7-in-1 bundle pack), who enjoys insulting others. Once he insulted my best friend, saying she looked like a slut, but in actual fact she was pretty well-dressed that time he saw her. Another time, he insulted one of my girls, saying she looked like an ah lian, just because she enjoys wearing comfortable street style clothes. 

Usually these people just have a pastime of insulting people to make them happy. These people are using you, and slowly draining your self-esteem. A friend is supposed to pull you from dark places, not push you into dark places. Learn to leave that friend before he/she suck dry your happiness! (Self-esteem) 


Conclusion 

I think we should all be careful about those we call friends – they could be vampires stealing your energy, frauds with evil intentions or booby-traps who look friendly but leave you to die when you get into a tight spot. Instead of entertaining these “friends”, get them out of your life and invest the time and energy into that group of people who will be there when you are down and bring out the best in you, for they are your true friends. Remember, when it comes to friends, it is quality over quantity.

P/S I'm not saying we should ditch a friend just 'cause he/she did the above mentioned to you once. It takes a lot of patience and tolerance to put up with friends like these... And if they are your so-called 'toxic friends', then maybe it's true that you gotta leave them. It's your decision to make. Again, no direct intention of flaming anyone in this post.


(all photos are taken from Tumblr)

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