Late Night Ponders

9:52 AM

Hello!! I'm back again! So far so good, I've been updating my blog regularly. Thanks to the stupid weather, I've been falling sick more frequent than usual. Sore throat leads to everything else and suddenly you realized you're sick at work. Story of my life. 

I also beginning to realize, now that I'm 20 years old, most of my friends are either serving their duty or happily attached. Everyone seems to be super busy with their lives and time passes quickly every day. I hardly hang out with my secondary school clique these days. The first one is happily attached and working hard, second one is happily attached and mugging for his last year of Poly, and the last one forever MIA or hard-core working and soon entering NS. Poly friend... Lok lok!

That's when I found out that everyone is so busy with their own lives, what about me? I'm always working on weekdays and catching movies when weekends arrive, but it is always the same old routine. Then I wondered is it too early to settle down as a working adult doing the same shit every day until I retire? Is this what I want? Mundane life is not really my thing, and I don't like doing the same old shit every day. I'm not a super risk-taker, but I'm surely not a boring person too. It's like I'm trying to figure out who the actual fuck am I. So who the hell am I?

I looked at most of my friends that are happily attached, and I always think to myself, am I gonna be like them? Settle down and be boring, visit boyfriend's place, meet the parents and etc. That's like so not me. Then again, I'm not implying that I want to date some douche and be playing all that mind games and shits. I'm just saying I feel like I'm just too young to even think of like a real deal of a serious relationship. 

It's like I'm stuck in between. I want to travel overseas and experience different things, try different local food, meet different kinds of people and learn their culture but at the same time I can't afford to, which means I need to work. I'm stuck at an age where I want to do something, but have no means to do it. Sure, start working and saving, but it sure takes time. And how about future education? Or should I continue to work from now on? What happens if I make the wrong decision? I don't want to fuck up my life. 

There are so much to ponder upon and so many decisions to make and things to sacrifice. It's so stressful. I feel like I need to sort a lot of things out and it requires a lot of thinking, analyzing and researching. It's not as if I can ask people around me, because at the end of the day, they can only say so much. I don't want their words to waver my own thinking because we all know that there will always be stubborn people who will try to brainwash you with their mentality. 

Hence I've realized that I usually stay at home and leave my schedule blank. I prefer staying home than going out because it takes way too much effort and energy. Not only that, I get easily annoyed when stupid, dramatic or emotionally unstable people come and agitate me. I'm sorry but I'm trying to figure out my life plans so please kindly don't mess up with my already stressed up brain. 

Plus, most of my friends are so pack with their lives, we barely meet up. Basically meeting up takes a lot of planning and compromising because we would need to find a suitable day to meet and it's honestly super annoying.

So kids, before you enter the working world, go out and play and make as many friends as you want. Be it fake or real friends, because it's the memories you created that are most important. Real friends? Great! Fake friends? Drama with them and laugh it off with your real friends next time. It's all these memories that tie people together. When everyone starts to drift off from one another, it's hard to create more memories.

Anyways, it suddenly becomes such a deep topic. I'm just trying to voice out my thought anyway, and if you're an adult and reading this- maybe you've been through this phrase, or maybe you're thinking 'this girl is hella mad for thinking so much!' Well, the previous paragraph is what I believed in, not preaching it, so don't even shove your disapproval at me. Bye~

No, like seriously... I really need to sleep soon... It's 1 in the morning. Happy Independence Day, Singapore. 

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